his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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