I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
