Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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