This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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