but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
what day is it and did you see me today?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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