Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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