I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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