I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
