I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I came so hard my ears popped.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
