My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
