drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
