guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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