her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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