You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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