She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
