Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
