I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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