we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
