Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
