Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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