Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
