she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
