i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize