did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
