she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
