im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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