Your dad touched me again.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
