her vagine was all disorganized.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
