My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
