I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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