She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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