So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
