I just threw up on my dentist
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
They have beer where we have blood.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
