don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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