You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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