dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
