you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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