The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
