38 yer olds are good kisserssss
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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