Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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