We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
