Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
