He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
