ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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