I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My bed smells like the plague
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
