I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
