apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
