I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
