he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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