$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
