i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
