I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
