Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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