Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
