ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
