I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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