Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize