so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
