i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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