I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Randomize
