Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
