bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
