Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
