U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
