I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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