What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
In America we eat man semen.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
